The Kake Soba That Was Spun Into Gold
by amaterasu-kun
Summary: This is a parody of the classic fsiry tale Rumplestiltskin witht the RK cast as the characters


The kake soba That Was Spun Into Gold

The kakesoba ThatWasSpunIntoGold

by Amaterasu

Once upon a time, in the faraway land of the Rising Sun, there lived a beautiful lady who practices the arts of kendo under the supervision of the infamous Oniwabanshu. She has glorious long hair, eyes as blue as the sky and a temper to match.

She was named Kamiya Kaoru. 

She was a daughter of a very famous political figure who died in the Tokugawa Era. she was left to the are of Okina, the okashira of the Oniwabanshu.

One day while Kaoru and Okina's granddaughter, Misao, was practicing, one of the King's vassals wandered into the secluded part of the forest where the Oniwanbanshu hide out was.

Misao stopped abruptly when she caught sight of the vassal. She stood there, stock still while Kaoru looked at her oddly

"Misao-chan? Misao-chan? Daijobu? "

Misao did not reply but drool started to slip out of her mouth.

Kaoru grabbed Misao's shoulders and shook her "Misao???"

No answer.

Her hands crept up to Misao's neck and started to strangle her "MIIISSAAAAOOOO-CHAANN!!!!"

"Huh?"

Kaoru whirled around to look at the man who made the sound. She immediately dropped her hands at the sight of the tall, gangly vassal.

" Konnichiwa! " she greeted with her sunniest smile "What can we do for you? "

" I am looking for the okashira of the Oniwabanshu. " the stranger replied

" Oh. Jiya? Will you wait here please? I'm going to fetch him. Misao-chan, see to the guests comfort. "

Unmindful of her friend's condition, Kaoru hurried inside the dojo while the guest backed away from the malicious gleam he saw in Misao's eye.

" Jiya!!!!!! Someone is here to see you! " Kaoru called out cheerfully

" Who is it Kaoru-chan? "

" I don't know jiya! But I think he comes from the king! "

" Oh. Okay I'm coming out then! "

And Kaoru cheerfully walked back outside. That's when she saw...

Misao was all over the vassal.

" Misao-chan!!!!!!!!!! " she ran and dealt a wicked uppercut that sent Misao spiraling into the orbit. 

*misao: how come i am the one to be booted into the orbit?

amaterasu: coz you're the one all over aoshi

misao: demo...

amaterasu: no buts, i can't make kaoru the one who lusts after aoshi! kenshin 

will kill me!

misao: how bout i kill you then? (picks up her kunai)

amaterasu: ne, misao we're friends? right? don't do this! (takes flight)

misao: i'm gonna get you!!!! (runs after the fleeing author) *

" Wha-wha-what was that? " the vassal demanded while dusting his clothes.

"Oh, that was Okina's granddaughter, Makimachi Misao "

The vassal's face was impassive " ... "

" Good afternoon! " Okina's voice boomed out 

" Good afternoon. I am Shinomori Aoshi, the king's vassal. The king demands your promise to him be fulfilled "

"Aa. I will deliver my promise tomorrow at the court "

" Good. See that you do. If you don't show up, you die. "

"Wakatta. I'll be there. "

*okina: what was my promise to the king?

amaterasu: i can't tell you, baka , it would ruin the plot

okina: but...they'll kill me

amaterasu: if you don't stop talking, IM gonna kill you *

Misao came back from her trip to space and back to demand "Where is he? What is he? Did you get his name? Why was he here? Did yo-ummmph " Kaoru whacked her head to keep her from talking.

Minutes later, Misao was rising from the vestiges of sleep and saw Kaoru in front of her.

" I can answer your questions now Misao. He's gone back to the castle. He is the king's vassal. His name is Shinomori Aoshi. He came here to talk with jiya about the promise he gave to the king. " Kaoru said, smiling.

Misao smiled too. " I made a fool of myself didn't I? "

" You sure did. " Kaoru said with a chuckle then dissolved into fits of laughter. Misao joined in.

The morning after, Okina, Karu and Misao , all trussed up, began a long trek towards the king's castle. Okina looked smug, Kaoru was way too nervous while Misao jumped around in excitement.

" Do calm down Misao-chan, you're making me more nervous " Kaoru complained

" Loosen up Kaoru-chan, it's just that the man of my dreams is waiting for me in the yonder castle. When he sees me, he'll sweep me up in his arms and kiss me soundly " Misao said dreamily while giggling

_No,not before he files a sexual harrassment case_ Kaoru thought while she clutched her skirts tighter.

MEANWHILE, IN THE CASTLE 

" I hope Okina doesn't bring along his granddaughter " Aoshi wondered out loud as he waited for the prince to finish dressing

" What was that Shinomori-dono? " the prince asked from behind the dressing screen

" Nandemonai. Just talking to myself. Why do we have to go hunting now? Of all days? " 

The prince stepped out of the screen " Because I know father too well, and I know what his and Okina's plan are. And I won't be here to make the plan work. " 

The blue eyes turned glacial " Demo, the girl is indeed beautiful Ouji" 

" I don't care. When I marry, I want to be the one who chooses, not father. "

The taller man rose from his seat " Whatever. Come on. "

The prince, dressed in servant's clothes, followed in the vassal's wake.

____________________________  


" Why, of all days, should it be now that we have a broken horse? " Okina muttered as he eyed the wheel critically. They are still a few miles away from the castle. He decided to take the carriage to give importance to the two girls with him.

"Oh jiya! Don't worry! Kaoru and I can walk. You trained us for that."

Misao reassured Okina.

" Iya! I want you two to arrive there in style! No walking! I'll fix this."

" Maybe sessha could help? " a new voice spoke from behind them. They all turned around to see a small, red haired man in peasant's clothes, the vassal Aoshi Shinomori standing behind them.

" Wai!!!!! " Misao squealed before she launched herself at Aoshi. The man just stood there, his face still impassive.

Kaoru tried to extricate Aoshi from Misao's clutches but to no avail 

Okina reached to tickle Misao and the cheerful girl loosened her grip and feoll on the ground. Taking Misao by the ear, Kaoru dragged her across the clearing.

" Mou, Misao-chan1 That was very improper! " Kaoru admonished as she straightened Misao's kimono.

" Gomen ne, Kaoru-chan! It's just thst...." her eyes became glazed as she stared in Aoshi's general direction.

Kaoru threw her hands up in exasperation " Maa, when we go back there, just pretend you've been properly chastised ne? "

Misao nodded, her eyes still glazed.

When they got back, the redhead was still hunched over the wheel while tying it with strips of what looked like his clothing. When the last knot was tied, he straightened, then winced.

That's when Kaoru noticed the bleeding wound in the man's midsection.

" Jiya! He's hurt! " Kaoru explained. She ordered the small man to sit down. She unwrapped her obi, revealing the ninja uniform she wore beneath. Unmindful that all eyes were trained on her she commandeered Aoshi to get some water. After cleaning the wound, she wrapped her obi around the man's waist with precision, the hanky inside staunching the blood flow. 

" There. Mister you should go to the nearest doctor fast. " she stood up and bowed deeply " Arigatou Gozaimasu for helping us."

The man stood up also and bowed, which startled Aoshi " Iya. I should be the one thanking you. " 

" Demo, Kaoru, what about your clothes? You can't go to the castle with just your ninja uniform! "

She chuckled " Oh jiya! You trained us better than that! Of course I have spare! " she was still smiling when she went inside the carriage to fix her clothing.

Outside, Okina and Misao are conveying their thanks to the two men. The smaller man kept looking at Kaoru though. Misao observed.

A little while later, the trio was in the palace.

*aoshi:how come i did not say anything?

amaterasu: cause you're the silent type, baka

aoshi: oh.... *

" All kneel! His Imperial Majesty, Hiko Seijourou the 13th! " 

" What a big man! " Misao whispered as Kaoru nodded her assent.

" Okina! " the king bellowed " What was this surprise you talked about? " 

" Here they are your majesty " 

" Girls? I admit they are of fair face Okina, but what is the surprise? "

" These girls can spin kake soba into gold "

" Nani? " the girls whispered as they turned towards Okina, who just winked.

Hiko looked skeptical " Where is the proof? "

Okina produced two necklaces from his pocket " These pieces are made by the girls when they were but 3 and 2 years old."

Hiko surmised that Okina was indeed telling the truth

" Very well, you may leave these two in my care. Now begone! "

" Hai, Seijourou-sama " Okina respectfully bowed down, winked at the two then walked away...

" Sagara!! " Hiko yelled once more. At once a tall, gangly man with spiky hair appeared at the king's feet. " Hai! Seijourou-sama? " 

" Take these two to the attic. Fill the room with bowls of kake soba and put in a spinning wheel "

" Hai. " The man replied, then was gone

Hiko turned to Kaoru and Misao " Those noodles must be turned into gold by tomorrow morning. If this is not done, you die. But if it is, I will make you both princesses and treat you as such. Is that clear? "

" Aa. " 

*misao: yahoo! we're gonna be princesses Kaoru

kaoru: baka! how will we become princesses? we don't even know how to spin

amaterasu: don't you worry girls, ill bring in back-up

kaoru: really? then you aren't as bad as misao told me

amaterasu: (battousai-mode) NANI??? *

BY NIGHT TIME

Kaoru was pacing the length of the room careful not to disturb the noodles. Her repeated motions dug a track in the cement floor.

" Will you cease pacing Kaoru-chan? You make my head hurt. " Misao complained

" Mou Misao, instead of mooning over Shinomori-san, why don't you think of ways how to escape? I don't want to die tomorrow you know. "

" At least I'll die happy that way! There is no way we can escape, this room is locked tight. "

" No, it isn't " a new voice from the darkness said

" Who are you? What are you doing here? " Kaoru asked

A tall, thin man holding a cigarette rose from the shadows " I'm the back up"

*misao: ms. author, can i ask you something?

amaterasu: yeah sure go ahead

misao: did i miss something? isn't that evil creature, saitou?

amaterasu: yeah...why?

kaoru: why him? of all people? you could have used yoshi or megumi

amaterasu: actually, kenshin requested it

kaoru: (looking doubtful) kenshin?

misao: yeah, why would himura ask for him when he absolutely hate saitou's 

guts?

amaterasu: (grinning evilly) let's just say we have a plan

" Oh, you're the back-up? You're going to help us escape?" Misao asked eagerly

" Iya. "

" Then what?" 

" I'm going to spin the noodles for you. "

" Nani?????"

*saitou: why do i have to do this?

amaterasu: kenshin asked for it

saitou: ...ahou ga*

" But it's gonna cost you. What can you give me?"

" All I have is my kunai" Misao said

" I didn't bring anything" Kaoru replied

" Okay. What about if one of you has her baby, I'll get it? I need an apprentice. " Saitou drawled out

" Misao? "

" Sure Kaoru, I mean, I can't have babies if I die. "

" Okay. We agree. "

" Good. Now go to sleep and I'll take are of these " Saitou ordered as he sat behind the spinning wheel.

THE NEXT MORNING:

" Misao-chan, Misao-chan! Mezamere! " Kaoru whispered as she shook Misao's prone form. 

"Nandatte? " Misao asked

" Look"

Misao's eyes widened when she saw the roomful of gold

" That greasy bastard sure surprised me " Kaoru murmured

With no warning at all, the door opened 

"Holy shit! I need to tell this to his majesty! " Sagara's voice was heard mumbling to himself as he ran.

Minutes later " I see you haven't been drinking Sanosuke. Megumi, go check the authenticity of those " 

" Hai your majesty " A slender young woman bent over to scoop up some of the gold strands.

" It is 24 karat Your Majesty " she replied, awed.

" Good. Omedetou Kaoru-san, Misao-san. Come with me. " 

A WHILE LATER:

" So have you two set your hearts on a particular man already?" Hiko asked as they ate breakfast

" Iya."

" Hai! " 

Hiko chuckled at Misao's exuberant response. " Who is it then, Misao-chan? " 

" It's Shinomori " a new voice replied from the door.

They all swiveled to see the small red haired man with a distrungled looking Aoshi behind him

" Ohayou, Your Majesty " the man greeted. Aoshi bowed deeply.

" Ohayou. Kaoru-chan, Misao-chan, I would like you to meet my son, Himura Kenshin and his vassal Shinomori Aoshi. "

Kaoru's eyes widened at the word son. Instinctively, her eyes sought those of the odd man with the scar on his face. He nodded, as if acknowledging her surprise.

" Come and join us you two. Our talk was just getting interesting. " Hiko said while smiling at the love struck Misao.

*hiko: that was disgusting ms. author. im not some sappy old man

amaterasu: just get along hiko.

hiko: but...

amaterasu: (fire burning in her eyes) i said JUST GET ALONG hiko

hiko: (looks sick ) yeah. what ever you say

" How bout you son? There any particular lady who caught your fancy? "

" Hai. "

Aoshi fell out of his chair, while Hiko stared bug-eyed at his son.

" Who is it Ouji? " Misao asked innocently

" Well, she's sitting right beside me " 

Kaoru paled

*kaoru: matte!!! 

amaterasu: dousjite kaoru-san? 

kaoru: let me catch my breath! im so thrilled

misao: (poked kaoru in the ribs ) you are one love struck girl kaoru

kaoru: well its just that...

misao: .....

kaoru : Im so thrilled!!!

amaterasu & misao : (face faults )

Kenshin dropped on one knee and looked imploringly at Kaoru "Will you marry me and be my hime? " 

Kaoru smiled her sunniest smile " Aa. "

And so, the wedding pushed of with very little effort. Everyone in the palace was happy, except for Aoshi who has Misao as his shadow.

ONE YEAR LATER:

Kaoru was cradling little Yahiko in her arms, crooning to him while Kenshin, now king, held their twin daughter, Tsubame.

" She's so beautiful koishii, thank you " Kenshin said softly while looking at Kaoru.

A small tinge of pink graced the queen's cheeks. That's when, 

" Ahou ga " the voice was soft yet menacing at the same time

" Omae wa..." was all Kaoru could say. She stared at the stranger, so menacing yet familiar. 

Kenshin also whirled at the sound of the voice " Saitou! " 

" You know him? " Kaoru asked the now-in-Battousai-mode Kenshin.

" Hai. I fought him years ago. What are you doing here you bastard?"

" Well, I'm here to collect on the promise your wife made. Now sine there are two of them my queen, I'll take them both "

" No!!! Onegai! Don't take them! "

" You can't take my children away! " Kenshin said as he slowly drew his sword at the same time placing sleeping Tsubame on the crib.

" Hell. You can't fulfill your promise tanuki? Well I guess I can give you a chance. "

" You must know that I was once known as Saitou Hajime. But that isn't a name I go by nowadays. Just like your husband here. Did you tell her about you, Battousai? " at the narrowing of Kenshin's eyes, Saitou continued. " Maa, you must convince him to tell you sometime my dear. " An evil smirk appeared on Saitou's face " You must learn of the name I use by tomorrow morning. If not, I take both of them. " then the ex- Shinsengumi captain disappeared.

" Koishii? " 

" Aa? " 

" Nandayo? "

" Oh Kenshin! " and sobbing in his arms, she recounted the whole tale. 

After some time Kaoru was still ensconced in Kenshin's arms when Kenshin started telling his own tale.

" 14 years ago, I was practicing in this very castle the arts of kendo that my father taught me. It was called 'Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu'. Everyone kept saying that I was good, that I could help Japan with my skills. But otousan didn't seem to think so. He was still reserving judgment, that's what he said. It was at that time, when the country was in turmoil. My father wasn't king yet, I wasn't the prince. So I joined this group of reformists called the Isshin Shishi. I was the youngest of them. I thought I would help people. But no, all the group did was to turn me into a monster. Hitokiri Battousai "

Kaoru gasped, surprised at Kenshin's admission that he was indeed the feared shadow assassin.

Kenshin smiled bitterly " Of course I should have known all along. But still, I can't block out this idea that I should fight for these people. So I did. After four years of endless killings, unnecessary deaths and unstoppable bloodshed, the Meiji Era finally kicked in and hailed my father King. But, I can't return home, I thought of the shame it will bring my father if he has an assassin living in his house and his son at that. So for ten years, I wandered all over Japan. One day, a horse knocked me unconscious and when I woke up, I was here. Father welcomed me back, but not that easily. He put me through training again, this time doubly hard. But that training cleansed my soul. It lifted the burden I was carrying inside. So here I am."

*kenshin: why do i sound like some demented psychopath?

amaterasu: that's how you sound in the anime, baka

kenshin: honto ni? gosh, no wonder my relationship with kaoru never went 

anywhere. i sound like some fool without any self-worth

amaterasu: ano...that's what you thought of yourself

kenshin: nani???? (picks up sword) im gonna kill Watsuki!

amaterasu: mama, maa, kenshin, calm down de gozaru? (runs away to warn 

watsuki-sensei)*

" Ano... Kenshin? What about Saitou Hajime? "

Kenshin had on a feral smile " We'll catch him. Don't you worry "

*misao: well well ms.author, i think im catching on with that 'lets say we have a 

plan' bit you said earlier (grins)

kaoru: yeah, me too! I mean... this is going to be exciting ms. author

amaterasu: yeah. now sit back and enjoy the fireworks. hahahahahahahaaha *

LATER:

" Shinimori-kun, I want you to coordinate with the Oniwabanshu and find out the name Saitou Hajime now uses. It's a matter of life and death. " 

The other man did a double-take "The Oniwabanshu? Demo, Himura... "

" No buts. " Kenshin interrupted. " I know your still stung with your parents giving you away and depriving you of the birthright of being the Oniwabanshu okashira. But don't you think it's time to show Okina that you're worthy? "

Aoshi hung his head in surrender " All right. I'll do it. Are you going with us? "

" Iya. Kaoru might suspect something. I told her that others are looking into it. She gets nervous when one of us tangles with Saitou. Honestly! She doesn't have trust in my capabilities. "

Aoshi chuckled " Maybe she just doesn't want you to get hurt " he paused, then " What if I refuse to do it? "

Kenshin smiled wickedly " Then I'm gonna sic Misao-dono on you!" 

And with that, Aoshi almost ran to the stables in his haste, making the red haired king laugh.

*amaterasu: kenshin, you clever dog, sic misao on him huh? that wasn't in the 

script ( chuckles)

kenshin: well i didn't know what to say? i mean that bit about what if i refuse 

was not in the script either!

amaterasu: you'll make a good writer kenshin! maybe you could help me with 

my upcoming fics.

kenshin: ororororororororoorororo.... (trans: I'' be glad to. ) *

IN THE FOREST:

" Nani? Saitou Hajime? that bastard is still alive? " Okina sputtered as Aoshi related to him the news.

" Hai. That's why we need your information-gathering system. I also need someone to help me scout the grounds. I want the best scouter you have. " Aoshi said, looking directly into Okina's eyes.

Okina smiled. _You made a mistake when you gave away your son, Seki _ " You grew up to be very competent Aoshi. "

Aoshi didn't respond. " Oh well, chotto matte. I'm going to fetch my best scouter. " And with an evil laugh that the blue eyed man didn't quite trust, Okina went inside the dojo.

A moment later, Okina reappeared with a familiar looking figure beside him " Well, Shinomori,here's my best scouter. I hope you two find Saitou. " 

The rest of the day continued. Misao was uncharacteristically quiet but efficient. Aoshi sneaked looks at the silent girl, wondering what was wrong. He was kinda getting used to the high-pitched squeals and the kindness...

Aoshi shook his head _What am i thinking? Miss the high pitched squeals indeed _

*misao: is it working already?

amaterasu: yup, but stay like that a little bit more. so you can have long lasting 

effects

misao: this tactic is good ms. author. whahahahahahahahahahaha *

The duo both stopped when they heard a feminine voice deep into the woods. Peeking around a big tree, they were surprised to see Saitou sitting on a bench, eating kake soba, while a pretty onna was talking to him.

" Baka. baka.baka! Just to eat kake soba you go fool the king! You moron! You could have just asked. So what alias are you going to use tomorrow? "

" Anata, don't fret! I'm going to use our name of course. "

" Goro? " the woman asked

Saitou nodded " Goro Fujita."

Slinking away as silently as they could, Misao and Aoshi escaped into the thick lump of trees. 

" You shall sleep a little first Misao. You'e done a great job and you're exhausted. You should rest. We go back at sunset. " 

Misao simply nodded her head, lain on the grass and slept.

Aoshi stared at the fragile beauty that belied Misao's kendo training. The usually smiling face was serene as could be. Smiling a little himself, he settled down to sleep dreaming of genki girls and beautiful onnas.

THE NEXT DAY:

" So... my queen have you guessed yet? " Saitou sneered from the doorway.

Kaoru turned around hastily and quickly smothered a smile. " i don't know. Maybe. " 

" Well I give you three guesses them we're out of here."

" Okay.... is your name John? "

Saitou shook his head

" Michael? "

" Iya! Last one lady."

" How bout, Goro Fujita? "

Saitou stared at her wide-eyed for a few seconds then " It doesn't matter. I'm going to take them anyway" then started to reach for the babies.

" I don't think so "

Saitou whirled around and...

" Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki! "

A stunned Saitou fell from the floor.

" Sanosuke! " Kenshin yelled

" Hai? "

" Take this man back to Tokio-dono. Let's see what she does after the way this bastard tied her on their bed. "

Sano grinned knowingly, then hauled the man on his shoulders and whistled as he went away.

" Arigatou Gozaimasu! " Kaoru cried as she wrapped her arms around Kenshin.

" I can't let him take them away! " Kenshin explained

" Aishiteru, Kenshin. "

" Aishiteru, koishii "

And with that they lived hap-- ooops! 

IN A FAR AWAY MEADOW, there were lovers lying under the blissful shade of the tree. They both had blue eyes. The man was tall and the woman was petite. The man whispered something in the woman's ear, which she replied to by kissing the man passionately.

Then they all lived happily ever after. 

~owari~ 05 02 2001

@materasu

ramblings:

misao: what happened to me? and aoshi?

kaoru: misao-chan! didn't you read the story?

misao: course i did, but i was not mentioned

saitou: then you must have the intelligence of a weasel

misao: (eyes flaring) why you-

kenshin: maa, maa. misao-dono, maybe you can read the last part again ne?

amaterasu: yeah, here (hands misao the copy)

misao: (reads the last part) ohhh i see. yay! hentai!!

amaterasu: nani?? misao-chan, it's no-

aoshi: did she just say hentai, ms.author? (draws up the double kodachi)

misao: its hentai! its hentai!its hentai! its hentai!

amaterasu: iya! misao-chan! its not hentai!

misao:its hentai! its hentai!its hentai! its hentai!

amaterasu:(eyeing the double kodachi) kenshin?kaoru? saitou? help?

kenshin: (runs away)

kaoru: (runs away gigling)

saitou: ahou ga (walks away)

amaterasu: iya!!!!!! (runs away herself)

misao: its hentai! its hentai!its hentai! its hentai!

amaterasu: waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!


End file.
